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Jokes

Signs that you're a Filipino:
  1. You're always late.
  2. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
  3. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
  4. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
  5. Your parents are never happy with your grades.
  6. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
  7. You keep used batteries.
  8. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
  9. Your relatives either work in medicine or real estate.
  10. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
  11. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
  12. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
  13. You always leave your shoes at the door.
  14. You have a piano in your living room.
  15. You play a musical instrument.
  16. You enjoy watching Pinoy action films with the same plot: Hero and villain are mortal enemies. Hero's family's killed by villain. Hero seeks revenge. Hero meets bar girl with sad tale of past love. She comes from a poor family, that's why she's working in the bar. They fall in love. Villain kidnaps girl, threatens to kill her if hero won't stop harassing him and his henchmen. Hero rescues girl, they run away. Chase goes on in a dilapidated car. Hero finally kills villain and police arrive. Hero and girl live happily ever after.
More Signs that you're a Filipino:
  1. Most Filipino women / young women own a LOT of shoes! They will also never wear more than half of them again
  2. You get punished by kneeling on rice.
  3. Your parents try to get you to go on a date with a child of one their friends.
  4. You're standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.
  5. Your other piece of luggage is a "Balikbayan Box"
  6. You nod your head upwards to greet someone
  7. You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbows on your knees while you eat
  8. You use a rock to scrub yourself in the shower
  9. You kiss relatives on the cheek when you enter the room
  10. You're standing next to eight big boxes at the airport
  11. You collect items from hotels or restaurants as "souvenirs"
  12. Your house has a distinctive aroma
  13. You smile for no reason
  14. You go to department stores and try bargain with the price
  15. You scratch your head when you don't know the answer
  16. You never eat the last morsel of food on the table
  17. You go bowling
  18. You play pusoy or mahjong
  19. You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun
  20. You add an unwarranted 'H' to your name: Jhun, Bhoy, Rhon
  21. You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "Excuse, Excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV
  22. Your middle name is your mom's maiden name
  23. You like everything that is imported or 'stateside'
  24. Your perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees
  25. You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for events
  26. You always offer food to your visitors
  27. You put your arm on the other person's shoulder if he or she is a close friend of yours
  28. You draw a rectangle in the air when asking for the bill, which never fails to baffle the restaurant staff
  29. You don't sit on the bowl in public toilets, no matter what part of town or if your thighs ache like hell; and you flush the toilet with your feet
  30. You tell everyone you meet where you studied and the intricacies of your family tree-just to show them you come from good stock - it never occurs to you that people may not have heard of your university or your clan's last name
  31. You show up late for work and your excuse is 'I forgot to on the alarm' or better yet 'traffic eh'
  32. You linger over the Tonite and Balita tabloids available at the Star Ferry, but quickly buy the Asian Wall Street Journal when other Filipinos start browsing
  33. Brushing your teeth after lunch in the office lavatory is an unbreakable habit, even if your colleagues can't bear touching the taps after you've drooled and spat all over them
  34. Namedropping is your favorite sport when you meet up with new acquaintances from back home
  35. Toni Braxton, Basia and Swing Out Sister are your idea of party music, you hardly listen to anything else
  36. You sell Amway and Herbalife as sideline
  37. You fight noisily with Cathay Pacific check-in staff over the size of handcarried luggage-which could be anything from oversized suitcases to major appliances
  38. You underdeclare your income when you pay Phil tax, even if it's peculiar that a consultant is paid little more than a domestic helper's wages
  39. At Immigration, when they call out 'Maria', you and 46 other women stand up
  40. When they play 'Anak' anywhere, your chest swells with pride and say 'that's Filipino'
  41. You think taking a shower and taking a bath are the same thing
  42. You use shopping bags as garbage bags
  43. You use laundry detergent to wash your dishes
  44. You use print rags from an imported fashion magazine as cover of your textbooks and notebooks